Participation trophies have been debated over for years. Some say that they boost confidence while others say they create false expectations. I feel that even though the idea originated out of good heart, these trophies create a distorted sense of reality and are overall hurting our kids.
One fallacy participation trophies teach kids is that if they show up they will succeed and it will be enough. That is just inaccurate, one will not always succeed and their best may not always be enough. Children have to learn to be satisfied with giving it their all even if their all does not result in the ‘win’. They also have to understand even though they may not have won they are not failure and it is OK.
By creating an environment where everyone wins it puts pressure on one to never fail. We have to teach kids not only that is it ok to fail but how to accept it and realize that failure is not defeat and failures pave the way to success.
Carol Dweck, a Stanford researcher who has been studying children’s coping and resilience mechanisms for forty years conducted a study to find out which kind of motivation kids respond best to. The researchers gave kids two types of encouragement: person-based praise such as “you are really smart” and process based praise such as “you must have tried really hard.”
“The parents who gave more process-praise had children who believe their intelligence and social qualities could be developed and they were more eager for challenges,” Dweck Says.
One of my personal favorite quotes from an unknown person perfectly sums up this study, “People do not fail in life because they aim too high and miss. They fail in life, because they aim too low and hit.”
Now I get it. Every parent wants their kid feel special. I get that participation trophies can boost confidence and reward the time one has put into a season. I get that participation trophies can potentially encourage a kid to stay on a team where they will be social and learn invaluable life lessons. But I also know every parent wants the best for their child.
As much as a parent wants their kid to feel special they equally want the best for them. But is the best giving kids a false sense of accomplishment that will set them up for failure (which they are not prepared for) down the line? Is the best, failing to push them to their greatest potential? Is the best giving them a distorted self-image? Is the best to leave kids unprepared when it comes to dealing with painful emotions -especially of defeat?
No this is not the best.
In my opinion it is best to withhold trophies of any kind until kids get high school. Until then everyone matures at different rates and even though most kids know who is the best or even the worst on the team, everyone likes to see himself through rose-colored glasses especially when it is something they care passionately about. Those middle school years are a fragile time emotionally for anyone and those who have been coddled may not be ready for a harsh reality check and in the same respect the cocky do not need an ego boost of shiny MVP trophy. Overall everyone should be able to identify at the end of a season if they achieved their goal and that feeling of accomplishment usually suffices a shiny material item.
The esteemed Dr. Jonathan Fader, a licensed performance psychologist, and the team psychologist for the New York Mets, he shares his opinion in a blog on Psychology Today. “In my opinion, trophies are a bad metric for winners and losers alike. Countless studies have shown that we’re more committed to an activity when we do it out of passion, rather than an external reward such as a trophy,” Fadder said.
I received participation trophies and I turned out fine. But I credit my parents for raising me right, and to believe that not all success is monetary nor physical and that nothing will come easy but anything is possible. Having played sports my whole life I have accumulated many participation trophies, but the old uniforms that my team has signed or even my old cleats mean more to me that those dusty trophies.
Image Courtesy of Odyssey